Regardless if you wanted the divorce or not, the first holiday season after a divorce can be difficult. You're no longer sharing your life with the partner you once chose. This may be the first time you've ever had to share parenting time with your ex on special days that mean a lot to you and your children. You may feel lonely going to holiday parties and get-togethers as a single person, and it can feel awkward to be with friends who had a relationship with both you and your ex. Sounds kind of depressing, huh? It doesn't have to be!

Use the extra time off during the holidays to your advantage. Make the choice to embrace the changes in your life and design a future that you want. In reality, choosing to take control of your life and your feelings is the only way to move forward. The following are a few steps you can take to help you on your way:

• Volunteer - Spending time helping others is a great way to not only take your mind off of your own troubles, it can help you to put things into a new perspective.
• Start a hobby - Always wanted to learn to knit, paint or make origami? Here's your chance.
• Catch up on your reading - How long has it been since you read a book for pleasure?
• Spend time with your friends - Make sure to nurture your friendships. Friends are a great support for you and you can be a great support for them, too.
• Set goals - Not only should you set goals, make a plan of how and when you're going to achieve them.
• Work on your spirituality - Not everyone is religious or spiritual, but for those who are, it can be a tremendous source of support.
• Begin an exercise program - Exercise makes you look and feel great. (Make sure to consult a physician first)

Whatever you do, do not spend your time thinking about what you've lost, how things have changed, and being a victim of circumstance. That's wasted time and energy and keeps you locked in the past. The only thing you have control over is what you are going to do about it. You have a great life ahead of you, and you can choose to make it whatever you want. The possibilities are endless. HAVE A JOYFUL HOLIDAY SEASON AND THE BEST NEW YEAR YET!

Wendy Becker, LCSW, CHt. is a licensed clinical social worker and divorce mediator in private practice at Colorado Divore Options, PC. She has years of experience working with individuals, couples and families who are dealing with divorce and family related issues.

Ms. Becker can be contacted by phone at (970) 207-1369 or or Visit Web Site